It’s time to tell someone I’m not OK - September 2021
RUOK Day
9 September 2021
What do you call it when a quiz you take is designed to give you an education?
Quiz-ication?
Regardless, it’s clever.
The best part about this quiz is it reassures you that ‘you’ve got what it takes’ to be the one that starts a meaningful conversation with someone close to you, that you may have noticed has withdrawn, is ‘not themselves’, or has shown you in some way that they are NOT OK.
Photo by Kenan Süleymanoğlu on Unsplash
The way NOT OK shows itself is rarely obvious.
When asked ‘how are you?’ most people, that are NOT OK, are still going to say they are ‘fine’, ‘good thanks, and you?’, they may even overcompensate with a ‘living the dream’.
We might do this, partly, because we are on autopilot when responding, maybe we’re kind of conditioned to respond that way, and because it feels like it’s way too much to open up and say (to a somewhat trivial greeting) things that are sensitive, complex and intensely personal.
It’s also about the words we feel we are allowed to use to describe how we are feeling, particularly when it comes to feeling bad. Researcher Gareth Griffith points out, so profoundly, that even individuals in vulnerable and very high-risk groups, when asked, will still say they are ‘ok’. He goes on to expose the crucial element of just being able to even find the words to explain how we are really feeling, especially when we feel bad, is an element many of us may find we are missing.
But if, human to human, we really tune in after an odd interaction, and deep down we have this feeling that perhaps things aren’t ok…what do we do?
RUOK knows that asking the question, now asking ‘are you really OK?’ and making the time to hear the real answer, is a powerful enough action to save someone’s life.
Photo by Elena Koycheva on Unsplash
The RUOK website is chock full of useable resources, in every helpful form, to try to suit all indefinable people – with words, videos, posters, infographics, drop down tips, and actual events that loads* of people (*the allowed amount given the circumstances) go to. All steering us through how to:
Ask
Listen
Encourage action
Check in
There’s ALWAYS someone that is NOT OK deciding whether or not to speak…it might just need to be the right time, right place, right person and the right question, to open up and start to move through NOT OK back to OK, one real conversation at a time.
If you are struggling right now and need to talk to someone immediately these helplines are available: https://mhaustralia.org/need-help
Lifeline Australia - 13 11 14
Beyond Blue - 1300 224 636
Kids Helpline (from 5 – 25 years old) – 1800 551 800
Samaritans - 135 247
Suicide Call Back Service - 1300 659 467
The Perth Brain Centre offers a range of services, that can help inform your decision making when you are trying to work out how to possibly change things for the better. Our Team of experienced Health Professionals respect the conversations you may have had in the past and are looking to have in the now. You can find out more in any way you are comfortable - watch, read, call or email - any time that feels right.
About the author - Ms. Emily Goss (Occupational Therapist, Senior Clinician, The Perth Brain Centre).
